I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
