even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
