im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
ok first of all what the fuck
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
