the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
