Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
