Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
