is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
