Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
