So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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