I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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