You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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