it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
