I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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