i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
