she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
