i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
