I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize