I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
