Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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