I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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