So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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