gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
