tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
love makes seman taste better
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
