Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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