you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
