i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize