evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
