When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
