to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
