the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
