Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
