My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize