i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
