I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
