im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
