Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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