You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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