its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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