Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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