Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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