Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The air was thick with penises
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
