Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
