I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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