they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
