why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
