i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
