i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
