Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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