Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
