Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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