I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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