i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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