I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize