Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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