This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
