allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
