now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
