It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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