Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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