So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize