Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
