I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
