he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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