I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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