I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
