I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
