I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
