There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
