You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
