i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize